No Arguments
by Jacinda
Summary: After a doctor's visit, Sara finds herself wanting to be not so self reliant. SaraNickWarrick friendship. FIN
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Wish I owned CSI . . . so do a couple million other people.

A/N: I probably won't be able to update much. I'm doing an internal medicine rotation for the next two months - it's long hours. I know I have a couple other stories that I've left unfinished. I've read Aureus a million times and I don't know what to do with it. If anyone wants to take a crack at finishing it, let me know :) Happy reading. I hope this helps tide you over until the end of December. - Jac

* * *

She thought that it was nothing more than a cold or at worst the flu. She tended not to take care of herself as well as she should. Sara could barely recall the last time she went to see a doctor, but she was vigilant about going to the dentist every six months. Her flawless, white smile couldn't get her out of this mess. She wasn't sure if anything could get her out of this mess.

Her headache, chills, and fever came on slowly. She might have thought nothing of it, but her illness kept her from going to work for three days. By the time the third day rolled around, Grissom and Greg insisted that she go see a doctor. That was the last day that her life had some semblance of normalcy.

She sat in the cold exam room alone waiting for the doctor or his nurse to tell her that she had nothing more than a viral or bacterial infection. Sara believed that a short course of antibiotics might clear this illness up within a week. She wouldn't allow herself to believe anything different. Sara was content believing that she would lead a nice, long existence on earth, even if that existence was lead mostly in solitude. It didn't bother her; she had already spent most of her life alone. Her ability to be self reliant at such a young age was what drove her into solitude. She blamed her parents. They hadn't exactly been around to nurture her. Well, her father didn't get to make that decision . . . her mother decided that for him the second she stabbed him.

The doctor was a nice young woman. She almost looked too young to be a doctor, but that didn't bother Sara. Sara had once looked to young to be a student at Harvard; now, Sara felt as though she looked much older than her age.

The words after cervical cancer were a blur to Sara. The doctor barraged her with questions about her sexual practices and family history. Those questions were easy. Sara hadn't had sex since Hank turned up to be nothing more than a lying bastard, and her family wasn't close enough for Sara to have any idea what her history might be. Then the doctor asked the hard questions, 'how do you feel?' and 'when can you come in for a biopsy?" - those questions overwhelmed Sara. She suddenly felt the unfamiliar desire to be a little less self reliant. She looked at the empty chair next to her and wished someone was sitting beside her.

She answered the questions the only way she knew how. Sara said 'okay' and 'I can come in Thursday after work.' They were such simple answers. They were simple only because Sara had shut down. She willed herself not to feel until she was locked away in her lonely apartment.

Sara absentmindedly drove herself to the crime lab rather than home. It was six hours before her shift, but people wouldn't bat an eyelash at Sara Sidle coming into work early. Tonight, Sara was there so she wouldn't feel quite so lonely. Tonight, she needed something more than self-reliance.

"Hey, girl. A little early for work?" Warrick asked as Sara began to unlock her locker. She looked at the clock and realized that swing shift was just beginning. Her presence might not go as unnoticed as she intended.

"It might be the last time," Sara said absentmindedly as she tried to come up with a clever lie to tell her colleagues.

"Huh?" Warrick asked as he pulled his vest out of his locker, "You finally taking some of that vacation time you have stockpiled for the last five years?"

"Something like that," Sara lied. Her lie didn't go undetected. Warrick arched an eyebrow. It was hard to imagine Sara Sidle taking vacation time.

"Is everything okay?" Warrick asked cautiously. He had never known Sara to be forthcoming about her private life. Sara normally acted out when her private and professional life became overwhelming. She would yell at Catherine or Ecklie. Once she told Grissom exactly where she thought he should go and what he should do with 'his' case. Warrick instantly knew that this much be serious if Sara was lying directly to his face.

"I don't know yet. I'll know on Thursday or Friday," Sara said as she rifled through her locker for the small notebook that she used to record the cases she worked up.

"Sara, what's going on?" Warrick said a little more forcefully this time. Sara avoided looking at him; she was terrified that she would confess her 'condition' to him. Sara was terrified that Warrick might make her put all this cancer business into perspective.

"Sidle, do you live at the lab?" Nick joked as he entered the locker room.

"Shut up, Nick. This is serious," Warrick said a little too harshly, but he had never seen Sara so close to being composed, but so close to having all her emotions unravel. Sara seemed to be walking a narrow line. Warrick didn't want to give her a reason to go home and drink those feelings to death. He had seen her do that more than a few times.

"What's going on?" Nick said as he sat a little too close to where Sara was now frantically searching for the damn notebook that she couldn't seem to find in the small locker. She couldn't figure out how it could get lost in a place so small. Sara knew Warrick had seen through her lie. She wanted to tell Warrick and Nick, but she didn't really know how. She desperately wanted to someone to be in that chair next to her when she went back to the doctor's office this week. She just wasn't sure if it was a good idea to mix work and private business.

"My doctor thinks I have cancer," Sara said so softly that she had to strain to hear herself. The locker room immediately silenced; it was the most deafening silence Sara had ever heard. She knew they heard her quiet confession. She knew they were trying to think of the right things to say. Sara didn't even know what she would want them to say to her.

"What kind of treatment are you getting?" Warrick asked. Warrick knew he was the levelheaded one of the threesome. He knew that this time it wouldn't be any different.

"I guess it depends on my biopsy results. I don't really know. I haven't really thought about it," Sara rambled as she finally gave up on her quest for her notebook. She stood staring some place beyond the metal backing of her locker.

"When did you find out?" Nick asked. Nick knew his voice was audibly shaky as he said the first thing he thought of. The thought that Sara, his friend, was sick chilled him to the core. Sometimes, Nick wished that he didn't feel things so intensely. He wished that he didn't take on the hurt of others, but he couldn't help but feel for Sara. Sara had always been there for him. Sara had saved his life not too long ago.

"About an hour ago," Sara replied.

"Why are you here?" Warrick asked as he sat numbly on the wooden bench. He knew Catherine would stalk down the hallway soon. Nick and Warrick were late for the team meeting. Their absence would be glaringly obvious, since there were only three people on the team. He couldn't bring himself to leave. Sara had somehow managed to be like family to him. He wasn't supposed to like her. He wasn't supposed to think of Sara as a friend. For the longest time, Warrick had a hard time allowing himself to befriend the woman that was brought in to investigate him. He couldn't help, but care for her. She was like him in so many ways. Sara Sidle was stoic; Warrick and Sara were normally the rational ones. Catherine and Nick were the intensely emotional ones. Warrick never really figured out exactly what Grissom was.

"I didn't really want to go home. Home is a little to close to three different liquor stores. I could probably walk to those stores in my sleep," Sara rambled.

"I have some old cases that I'm working on tonight. You want to help me?" Nick offered. Nick was surprised to see Sara nod before she turned around. Tears silently streamed down her face.

"Let's wait for the biopsy results before you start thinking about what you are thinking, Sidle," Warrick cautioned, "What kind of cancer do they think you have? I mean, so many cancers have at least one treatment."

"Cervical. I think the doctor said something about stage and metastasis determining if I'll be able to fight it. I didn't really understand," Sara said softly as she tried to remember exactly what the doctor told her.

"Okay, Nick has off on Thursday. He's going to take you to the doctor. You're going to stay in my guestroom so you can't go for any walks," Warrick replied.

"You don't have to," Sara replied weakly. She hadn't realized how tired she actually felt. The shock was giving way to exhaustion and fear that was nearly suffocating her.

"I want to help you. You saved my ass more than a couple times," Nick replied with a slight smile.

"Sara, no arguments. At some point this lab became a family. We have to take care of each other," Warrick replied. Sara stared at him blankly. He was about the last person that she would have expected to step in and begin to organize her life, while she couldn't.

"Guys, it's time for our meeting," Catherine said as she quickly walked past the locker room.

"No arguments," Sara replied as she watched Warrick and Nick stand up and walk out of the locker room.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I know this isn't the fastest moving story, but I'm trying to be true to what it feels like to have a doctor say 'the test was abnormal, I'm worried that this might be cancer.' Anyone that has gone through that knows that everything in the world seems to stop for a few minutes and all that information that the doctor tells you goes in one ear and out the other because your mind is focused on the word cancer. You can be a medical student (I am) and still walk out of the room not knowing what the doctor said. I know it's angsty, but moral of the story: GO TO THE DOCTOR FOR YEARLY PELVIC EXAMS. Okay, I'm off my soap box. -Jac

* * *

Sara clutched his hand as her doctor and another doctor that she didn't recognize entered the room. Sara knew that her well-manicured nails were probably piercing the flesh on Nick's hand. She could feel his palm become sweaty.

Nick had been a good sport about taking Sara to the doctor. He sat in the waiting room pretending to read a Sports Illustrated from months past, while Sara was having her biopsy done. Doctor Petrov came out into the waiting room to guide him back to the exam room where Sara sat petrified on the exam room table. Nick had to look closely to see she was even breathing. Dr. Petrov asked him to keep her company while the 'tissue sample was sent to the pathologist. She guaranteed that they would have the preliminary results within the hour. The nurse said that Sara didn't appear to be ready to move just yet; the nurse asked Nick to tell Sara that she was free to get dressed once she was a little more emotionally composed.

Sara looked up at him with brown eyes that looked empty . . . completely devoid of emotion, but that quickly gave way to sobbing. Nick didn't need to ask what was wrong. He had been reading about cervical cancer on the internet. He had gone so far as to call one of his sisters, who was a nurse, to ask about the finer points of diagnosis and treatment. His sister, Maria, explained to him that without routine screening the cancer could be so advance that it could have already metastasized to other parts of Sara's body. Maria said that treatment would probably consist of hysterectomy and chemotherapy. Nick could only shake his head and hope that maybe someone in the laboratory made a colossal mistake when they read Sara's test results.

Her tears saturated his t-shirt as he tried his best to tell her that everything would be okay, despite the fact that Nick didn't really believe that everything would be okay. Through her tears, Sara said that the procedure hurt, she said she wasn't ready to die, and she said that she might never have the chance to have children. The last statement kind of surprised Nick. He had never pictured Sara wanting to be a mother.

Sara eventually said that she was just being silly. She kept saying that there really wasn't a reason to cry . . . yet. Nick pulled the curtain closed and sat in a chair across the room while Sara dressed and dried her tears. He fidgeted nervously as he began to think about all that his sister had told him about cervical cancer. Nick nearly began to cry when he began to think about Sara having to have an operation or losing her hair and becoming sick from the chemotherapy. He became nauseated at the prospect of Sara dying.

Sara sat in a chair next to Nick. She felt the moderate sized exam room becoming smaller and smaller. Sara could feel her heart pounding so hard that she was beginning to get a headache. She tried to smile despite her anxiety. Her weak smile was met by an equally weak smile from Nick.

Sara hadn't told Grissom or Greg about where she was going this morning. She wasn't exactly sure how to tell Greg. They had become extremely close, as Sara spent most of her time teaching Greg about evidence collection and processing. Sara knew the young CSI looked up to her. Sara knew that she had begun to care about Greg as if he was her younger, annoying brother. She knew the news would crush him. Despite Greg's tough exterior, she knew that he felt for the victims. He let himself feel all those emotions just as intensely as Sara did. Sara wanted to protect him. She wanted to protect him from all the bad things that he saw on a daily basis.

Sara couldn't figure out how to tell Grissom. She had left Grissom in the dark about most of private life. She spent so long trying to make him part of her private life that when the relationship completely dissolved, their dialogue was nothing more or less than professional. Sara knew that he would eventually find out when her request for a medical leave of absence crossed his desk. It wouldn't be easy to tell him.

"We have reason to believe that you have something called cellular atypia of the cervix," Dr. Petrov said. The other woman doctor shifted uncomfortably, while the young gynecologist began explaining that the lesion was suspicious for cancer, but more tests needed to be done. The doctor spewed information about CT scans and possible exploratory surgery. Sara hoped that Nick was listening because the words _suspicious for cancer_ were still ringing in her ears. In that one moment, her life seemed to head down a path that seemed much more uncertain than the one Sara had previously struggled on.

Sara's hand shook violently in Nick's hand. She was shaking so violently that he wrapped an arm around her and pulled her body a little closer to his. He could feel her heart pounding through her rib cage. Nick could feel his own heart stop; the entire situation felt surreal.

"We want to do a CT scan this afternoon. I'll read the results this evening. The pathologist is also going to do some more in depth tests on the biopsy that we took. Sara, if you need anything or have any questions . . . here's my pager number," Dr. Petrov said as she extended a business card to Sara, but Sara didn't make an attempt to move.

"It's not a death sentence. We aren't even sure if it's cancer yet . . . it's just something that we need to investigate further," Dr. Petrov said as she knelt down in front of Sara and tried to make eye contact with her.

"How do I get better? What do I need to do because I can't die yet," Sara said in a voice that chilled Nick to the core. It was a voice that he didn't recognize.

"We'll know more after the CT scan and the pathology report. The treatment depends on if it is cancer and what type of cells are causing the cancer. We'll know within two days," Dr. Petrov said with a smile that was so forced that it looked odd.

"I don't want it in me for two more days," Sara replied. Her mind was in a haze. She was barely cognoscente of what she was saying.

"Sar, let's go get the scan," Nick said as he began to rub her shoulder. Sara looked at him and nodded.

"You'll be late for work," Sara replied.

"Warrick will cover for me. I'll call him while you are getting your scan done," Nick replied. The doctor nodded approvingly. Truth be told, Nick didn't care if he got reprimanded by Catherine for being late or not showing up all together. He knew that it was more important to be there with Sara. Just the way that Sara had always known when she needed to take care of him. He knew Warrick had been right about the lab becoming a family; the instant he heard _suspicious for cancer_ he was terrified that he might lose a friend that he couldn't imagine living without. He shuddered when he thought of walking into the crime lab and not seeing Sara pour over case files in the layout room.

The orderly insisted upon placing Sara in a wheelchair. She didn't fight as Nick had expected her to. Sara moved slowly and weakly. She looked like she had become catatonic. Sara barely spoke and barely moved. Nick knew that her mind had turned inward; he knew that she was trying to figure out exactly what was happening to her and why. Those were the same thoughts running through his head.

"Cath, it's Nick. I need the night off. There's been a family emergency," Nick said without thinking.

"Is everything okay?" Catherine asked.

"No, it's really not. I'll try to be in tomorrow, okay?" Nick asked.

"You be careful," Catherine said. It wasn't himself that Nick was worried about. He was terrified to leave a distraught Sara to her own devices this evening. He was afraid to leave her alone in Warrick's house to think about what in her life might have caused her body to begin to revolt against itself.

"Thanks, Cath," Nick said. He hung up the phone and immediately called Warrick. All Nick could say was _I have a bad feeling._


	3. Chapter 3

Warrick pushed her plate towards her for the fourth or fifth time since they sat down at his dining room table. Sara would pick at the food and then push the plate away from her. Warrick silently shook his head, while Nick pleaded with Sara to eat at least a quarter of the Chinese food they had ordered for her. The men gave up not too long after realizing Sara ate nothing more than a pea pod and a few strands of lo mien noodles. Sara was afraid her stomach would revolt if she dared to eat anymore.

Nick took Sara to Warrick's house after the CT scan. Nick also called Grissom to let him know that Sara spent the afternoon at the doctor's office. He made it very clear to Grissom that she probably wouldn't be in for the next days. Grissom told Nick that it probably wasn't anything than a case of mono or some other viral entity that was invading her body. Nick knew that Grissom liked to minimize things; it was how he coped, but it almost threw Nick into a fit of rage when Grissom didn't at least ask how Sara was doing. Sara rested a tired hand on his arm and asked him not to punish Grissom. Nick wanted to punish someone.

Nick opened the door to Warrick's house with the key that Warrick gave him not too long after the whole Nigel Crane debacle. Sara immediately laid on the couch where the three friends had watched countless movies and where Sara had slept through countless hours of video games. Nick watched as she tried to tune out the rest of the word. He watched her slip back into the place in the corner of her mind. It's where she went to avoid the real world. He wished that she wouldn't go there; he wished that she could talk to him. Ever since childhood, Sara couldn't talk about her pain. It was something Nick could never wrap his mind around.

Nick turned on the television though he wasn't really watching it. He was thinking about her. He was thinking about how his life would change without her in it. Nick had few friends that he let into his personal life; most of his relationships were rather superficial or forced by the bonds of brotherhood and fraternity. Warrick and Sara were the few people that got to know him. Sara knew a side of him that he even hid from Warrick. She knew that he desperately wanted to buy a dog, but he feared that his job would keep him from providing the animal with the appropriate amount of attention. She knew that he cried at the end of Field of Dreams; Sara was sworn to secrecy about that one . . . though Nick swore to God he saw tears running down her face. She was the first real 'girl' friend that he ever had. Sara was the first 'girl' friend that he wanted nothing more than friendship from; it wasn't about trying to have sex with her . . . although, his mother would say the exact opposite. Nick knew it would hurt if she ever left him.

He rested a hand on her ankle. They waited for five hours before the doctor called Sara's cell phone about the scan. Sara asked Nick to answer it. He obediently did as told, although he didn't want to be the one to give her bad news if that was the case.

The news overwhelmed him. He could feel his throat seemingly narrowing and the tears begin to swell in his eyes. The CT scan did not show metastasis. He couldn't imagine news that would make him happier, but the doctor warned that the metastasis might be so small that the scan did not pick them up. Nick chose not to start thinking along that route. He knew Sara would do that; he wanted to be the positive one . . . reassuring her that the situation was bad, but not that bad.

Sara looked nervously around the room as Nick finished up his conversation with her doctor. She knew by Nick's reaction that there probably wasn't any visible metastasis, but she told herself over and over not to get her hopes up. Historically, bad things always happened to the members of the Sidle family. She smirked at how many bad things had happened to her during her relatively short time on Earth. It was ironic that a year ago she didn't give a damn if she died, but today, she was terrified of that prospect.

"It's good news," Nick said as he handed her the cell phone.

"I know . . . it's easy to read the expression on your face. I've always liked that about you. It's not about guessing games like it is with . . .," Sara said as she trailed off.

"Sar, just be happy for now. The pathology results are going to be in on Monday. The doctor wants you to be in her office at 8 am. I'll just tell Catherine that my family emergency is going to keep me out of town for a few days," Nick said as he began to massage her ankle without thinking.

"Don't burn your vacation time because of me. You should go to Denver like you have been planning for the last year," Sara replied.

"Don't start to pull this bullshit already, Sara. You are my family . . . and I want to be there. I'll follow you to your appointment whether or not you want me there," Nick replied, "Catherine already thinks I'm out of town."

"I just don't want you to get hurt . . . you know, if the doctor gives me a death sentence," Sara said as she began to furiously blink back the tears that threatened to fall down her cheeks.

"You aren't going to give in that easy. Look at how you were going to only be in Vegas for two weeks . . . isn't it what . . . nearly six years later," Nick said as he tried to smile.

"I really beat my head against that brick wall for a long time," Sara said with a smirk. Nick nearly laughed at how often she acknowledged that maybe she spent a little too much time fixated on Grissom. Once, she even told Nick and Warrick that maybe she needed an anti-Grissom intervention a few years ago. They both said that they didn't want to be the ones to hurt her.

"Hey, I'm glad you stuck around," Nick said as he began to knead the sole of her foot.

"If you are offering up a massage, I guess I am glad that I stuck around," Sara replied. Nick wanted to think that she momentarily forgot about the 'cellular atypia,' but her eyes told him a different story.

"Let's raid Warrick's refrigerator. I don't think we ate lunch," Nick said.

"You don't think that Grams made fried chicken lately, do you?" Sara said with a smile. Only Warrick and Nick knew that she secretly loved that woman's fried chicken. It reminded her of her own grandmother's recipe. Sara didn't remember much about her grandparents besides the fact that one set lived in a hippie commune near San Francisco and the other set lived in Tennessee. She remembered loving the car ride through the mountains in Tennessee. That was before her father's alcoholism hit full throttle.

"I hope so," Nick said as he stood up.

Warrick wasn't surprised to see Sara and Nick watching television when he got home from his shift. He knew that they wouldn't be asleep despite the fact that it was nearly midnight.

"Hey, honey, I'm home," Warrick teased as he walked over to the pair. He ran a hand through Sara's hair as he waited for some kind of information about the CT scan. He had nearly gone out of his mind this evening waiting for some kind of news.

"No visible metastasis," Sara said with a half-hearted smile.

"That's good news. That's really good news," Warrick replied with a big smile.

"It doesn't mean that they aren't there," Sara replied. Nick shook his head, and Warrick tried to think of what to say to calm her mind, but she was right. He didn't want her to be right.

"Well, let's order Chinese and celebrate the small victory. Was Grams' chicken good?" Warrick asked.

"We saved you a few pieces," Nick replied.

Warrick dialed the nearest Chinese place and ordered what everyone always ate. It was funny how he knew things like that about Sara and Nick. It was a strange comfort.

"Do you guys ever worry about your soul?" Sara said after what seemed like an hour of silence, though it was only thirty minutes and they were busy setting the table.

"What?" Nick asked.

"Do you ever worry about going to heaven or hell?" Sara clarified.

"No, not really. I'd like to think that I'll be forgiven for all the bad things that I've done," Warrick replied.

"I've done a lot of bad things. I've done a lot of stupid things. I'm not sure I've really done many good things," Sara rambled.

"You do good things every night at the crime lab, Sar. You haven't done anything that outrageously bad," Nick replied.

"I've always been really angry . . . ever since I was a child. Do you think that's the kind of person that God wants in heaven?" Sara replied. Warrick stood still trying to contemplate Sara's predicament. She was the least religious person that he had ever met; she was the last person he thought would get upset about souls and heaven.

"You haven't done anything worse than me," Warrick replied. Sara knew that he wrap sheet was probably longer than hers. He had done drugs, gambled, cheated, slept with more woman than he ever should have, and had his own run-ins with the law. Sara blushed . . . extremely embarrassed that she might have offended him.

"I'm sorry," Sara replied.

"Let's eat. We are supposed to be celebrating the results of the CT scan. Let's worry about souls some other time," Nick said with a smile that covered up how much he was hurting for Sara.


	4. Chapter 4

He had to steer her away from the infant and toddler department because she stopped dead in her tracks. Sara's face resembled nothing short of a deer caught in the headlights. Warrick didn't know what to do besides take her hand in his and continue walking through the department store. He didn't think of a situation like this when he decided to park on the side of the mall that was opposite the side where the bookstore was located.

Warrick felt a stab of sadness for Sara. Nick had told him about how Sara broke down in the doctor's office. Nick said something about Sara being upset about the possibility of never being able to have children. Warrick knew she would be a good mother even if she didn't believe it. He remembered the way that she took care of Brenda Collins. He remembered being captivated with how Sara was able to shift into protective mode.

"Do you think there is comfort in knowing how and when you are going to die?" Sara asked as they navigated through swarms of peopled. Warrick cringed every time Sara came up with a macabre question for him or Nick. Sara had been asking questions that he had never even dared to ask himself, but Warrick knew he would probably do the same if he was put in her position.

"It's got to be better than waking up in the morning and not knowing someone is going to murder you," Warrick replied as honestly as he could.

"I don't know. I don't know if I want to suffer through months of treatments that might not cure me. I'd rather take two . . . three minutes of terror rather than two or three months of anxiety," Sara rambled.

"What are you trying to say?" Warrick asked as he slowed.

"I'm just saying if this 'thing' progresses to the point where I can no longer be cured, I don't want to waste away," Sara replied in a cool voice that caused chills to run down my spine.

"Sara, we don't even know how bad this 'thing' is yet. Don't start planning your death bed yet," Warrick warned in a voice that seemed stern and cold.

"Warrick, you've got to promise me that if anything really bad happens . . . you'll let me go. No tubes, no ventilators, no nursing homes, okay?" Sara asked.

"Sara," Warrick started.

"I'm serious, Rick. I need you and Nick to do this for me. If I'm going to die, please help me go peacefully," Sara pleaded as they dodged a few elderly women.

"Why are you telling me about this here?" Warrick asked after he realized how serious Sara was.

"Because I asked Nick this morning . . . I made him cry, Rick. You guys are the only family that I have . . . I don't want you to watch me waste away. I don't want to ever make you guys cry," Sara replied as she gripped his hand and gave it a firm squeeze.

"Oh, Sara," Warrick said as they stopped in the middle of an atrium. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her forehead. Warrick promised that he would respect her wishes. Sara smiled. She had a serene look on her face.

"So she sprung it on me in the middle of a crowded mall," Warrick said to Nick as he recounted the details of their shopping trip.

"I think she was up all night thinking about it. All that death talk last night . . . it's a lot to process," Nick replied.

"It's scary. I never even thought about what happens if this cellular atypia becomes something that she can't fight. It never even crossed my mind that this might be something that could kill her," Warrick said as he pulled a bottle of water out of the refrigerator. Nick sat on the couch. It was a first time in a long time that they talked. There was no television on . . . no video games, and they weren't in a smoke filled bar. It was the first time all day that they were the only ones awake. Sara had retreated to the guest room for a nap about two hours ago.

"The CT scan didn't show any masses. The doctor told me that it's a good sign," Nick replied.

"But what if," Warrick replied as he sat next to Nick on the couch.

"Then we have to let her go," Nick replied with downcast eyes, "I think Sara's planning just a little too far into the future. We don't even have the pathology results back yet. We just need to take a deep breath and keep it together for her."

"When did everything get so complicated?" Warrick asked.

"Can you imagine Sara Sidle as anything less than complicated?" Nick asked with a smile.

"She's my girl. I can't even picture the lab without her. You know how she walks from DNA to AV to fingerprinting inadvertently stealing pens from each area," Warrick said with a chuckle.

"You know, Sara was the one that drew devil horns on the picture of Ecklie in the departmental newsletter last month . . . all fifty copies. Ecklie still thinks that it was Sophia," Nick replied.

"After you guys got back from the alien wedding chapel, she told Greg that Spock married you two. You should have seen the look on his face . . . and Hodge's face," Warrick replied laughing a little bit harder now.

"I don't think anyone else would ever guess that serious Sara was capable of any of that," Nick replied.

"I know. Grissom doesn't even know what he missed out on . . . Hank had no idea what he screwed up," Warrick replied.

"If anyone deserves a chance at happiness, it's her," Nick replied.

"She says the same thing about you," Warrick replied.

"Sara doesn't think about herself enough. She worries about everyone else," Nick lamented as he began to stare off into space. Sara made him feel safe. She was the first person that made him feel like he could talk without being judged. Nick didn't feel like he had that luxury as a child. He placed his father on such a high pedestal that Nick always feared disappointing his father. Although Nick always thought of his father as his best friend, Nick knew that his father only knew the side of him that he was comfortable sharing with the rest of the world. He often wondered if that made the whole relationship superficial. Sara knew his demons. She took the child molestation cases, so Nick would get hurt. She tried to protect him from those demons.

Warrick stood up to answer the ringing doorbell. He was glad that the conversation about death and loss could momentarily be put on hold.

"Hey, I thought we could go out to lunch before shift starts," Catherine said as she invited herself into Warrick's house. She stopped the moment she saw Nick on the couch. There was a flash of anger in her face.

"Catherine, I'm not playing hooky," Nick said before the red-head could even open her mouth.

"What the hell, Nick? You tell me that you need time off for a family emergency . . . then I find you here," Catherine said with a raised voice.

"Cath, he does need the time off," Warrick said before she could continue ranting.

"His family is in Texas. This morning when I got up, I was still in Nevada. As long as your house hasn't been annexed, this is still Nevada too," Catherine snipped.

"It's not like that. I still need the next few days off. I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important," Nick replied as he stood up and walked over to where Catherine was still fuming.

"So what's the emergency?" Catherine asked in a voice designed to make him feel guilty.

"It's my fault. I asked him to take a few days off," Sara said. The three hadn't even noticed that she had wandered out of the guestroom after hearing the raised voices.

"What the hell is going on here?" Catherine asked in a tone that wasn't quite a yell but it also wasn't conversational.

"It's not her fault," Nick replied quickly.

"I asked him to take off so someone could take me to my doctor appointments," Sara replied softly . . . much like a child caught in a lie.

"Okay, how does this constitute an emergency?" Catherine asked.

"Nick has been taking me to see my doctor about some cancer stuff," Sara replied in the most nondescript terms she could think of.

"You have cancer?" Catherine asked embarrassed at how she handled the situation. Nick and Warrick immediately shifted their gaze to the ground.

"I don't know yet. Nick's taking me back to the doctor on Monday for some test results. You can't say anything to Grissom or Greg . . . I mean not until I know how sick I am," Sara replied in a shaky voice.

"You could have told me," Catherine said to Nick.

"I asked them not to," Sara replied.

"I should go. I'm sorry, Sara," Catherine said as she hurried to get out of the house. She nearly knocked Warrick over in a rush to get away from the situation. The three stood still until they heard the engine of Catherine's SUV start.

"That didn't go too badly," Sara commented with a smirk.

"Sar, you didn't have to take all the credit for me asking for time off," Nick replied.

"Yes, I did. She can't fire me no matter how pissed off she gets," Sara replied, "I'm hungry."

She walked into the kitchen and began to open up cabinet doors. Warrick couldn't believe at how Sara could compartmentalize her feelings; he was shocked that she could momentarily pretend that cellular atypia didn't exist.


	5. Chapter 5

"I don't remember much of my childhood. It's a bad dream that occasionally rears its head when everything becomes too overwhelming," Sara said as she swirled the coffee in her cup, "I don't have memories of opening presents at Christmas. I don't even remember celebrating my birthday or my brother's birthday."

"I'm sorry," Nick said. He was at a complete loss of words. They had seen a boy of maybe five years dressed up in a full cowboy get up. Nick told Sara that he used to wear cowboy boots everywhere. He told her about how he even worked as a farm hand for a few summers during high school. Nick said that was when he decided that the cowboy lifestyle just wasn't for him.

"Don't be sorry. It's my parents' fault . . . they got married too young. They never figured out how to be friends, adults, or parents," Sara said as she dumped another creamer into her already tan colored coffee, "It's not all gloom and doom. If they hadn't been that way, I wouldn't be here with you . . . killing time before we get my pathology results."

"Not all gloom and doom?" Nick teased as Sara stared deep into her coffee cup.

"Not all. You bought me a cup of coffee and a scone," Sara clarified.

"I thought you'd be more nervous," Nick said as he snapped off a quarter of her scone.

"I am. You're just a calming person. You and Warrick. You don't let everything get to you and build up until it explodes," Sara replied.

"No matter what the results say, I'm here for you. The same way that you have always made sure to stand by me," Nick replied.

"That spider was pretty big this morning," Sara replied with a smirk, "Grissom would probably insist that we put its remains in a body bag and dispose of him properly."

"Grissom would probably citizen arrest you for killing that nasty thing," Nick kidded.

"I'd tell him that you were the one that woke me up to tell me that it was crawling up the wall . . . and looking at you funny," Sara replied with a raised eyebrow.

"I did not say it was looking at me funny," Nick replied as redness began to creep into his cheeks.

"I hate to tell you anything other than the truth," Sara said, "If anything happens, I'm really going to miss this."

"I thought this wasn't going to be all gloom and doom?" Nick asked.

"Didn't you think about this stuff after the whole . . . you know," Sara said in reference to when Nick found himself underneath the earth.

"Yeah, I thought about what it would be like to die. I thought about what it would have been like to kill myself when I was trapped in that box. I couldn't let you find me that way," Nick replied as a chill visibly ran through his body.

"I'm glad you're here. I'm glad you decided to stay in Vegas," Sara replied.

"I'm lucky to have such good friends. You and Warrick were the people I was thinking about before Grissom pulled me out of the ground. I was thinking about how lucky I was to have you two looking for me," Nick said with a smile.

"I'm glad I had the pleasure," Sara replied.

"Let's just not try to repeat that history," Nick said.

"I don't know why bad karma seems for follow you so closely," Sara replied.

"I didn't know you believed in karma," Nick replied.

"There has to be something to explain why all these bad things happen. So many bad things happen to so many good people. Do you think its punishment? I keep on thinking that maybe if I had stayed home the night my mother stabbed my father, I might have been able to help him. I might have felt something other than relief that he couldn't hurt us anymore," Sara replied.

"You were just a kid. What if your mother had stabbed you on accident during her . . ."

"Altered mental status? I don't know. I hated her for a long time. Maybe it was all that hate I let fly freely around me."

"It wasn't something you did, Sara. It just happened. Shit happens . . . that's the only way I can explain why I was chosen instead of Warrick. Dumb luck," Nick replied.

"I want to explain why. I want to understand why."

"Maybe that stuff isn't for us to know. Maybe there is someone up there running a giant computer that generates all the different situations that we run in to," Nick replied. His parents had been very religious people. They strictly enforced the morals of the Catholic church on all of their children. Nick found it harder to believe than his siblings. He found it hard to believe that their wise and compassion God would let his baby-sitter do unspeakable things to him.

"Yee of little faith," Sara commented.

"Right back at yah," Nick said with a smile.

"I was thinking about going to church with Warrick next Sunday," Sara said, "I'm looking for something to give some semblance of inner peace."

"I thought you said your yoga and meditation tape did that?" Nick asked.

"It was a rental . . . not good enough for me to actually buy," Sara replied.

"So inner peace isn't worth anything more than fifteen dollars?" Nick said with a laugh.

"Something like that," Sara replied laughing.

"What's so funny?" Warrick said as he sat down at their table. Catherine has graciously agreed to give him some time off this afternoon.

"Sara and I were discussing the value of inner peace. Sara thinks it needs to be under fifteen dollars," Nick replied.

"Didn't you want to get there a few minutes early to check in?" Warrick said as he shook his head.

"I'm not going to sit in that waiting room for a half hour. It's going to make me nervous, and I'm going to start wondering if I'm sicker than I feel. I can't," Sara replied quickly.

"I'm sorry . . . I didn't realize," Warrick replied.

"Nick and I were talking about inner peace and salvation. Have you ever wondered how our life is planned out?" Sara rambled.

"It's all in God's hands. There's meaning in everything," Warrick replied as he pulled off some of Sara's remaining scone.

"How can you be so confident?" Nick questioned. Nick had a hard time reasoning that a God might want him to be buried in a fabricated Plexiglas coffin.

"Because it's a little more comforting than the Choas Theory," Warrick replied.

"So you are trying to say that each interaction is pre-plan and doesn't influence the fate of someone else?" Sara asked with a raised eyebrow.

"I guess," Warrick replied as he chewed on the scone.

"We need to talk about something different," Sara said quickly.

"Preseason football starts in about three weeks," Nick replied.

"I thought maybe we could talk about something that I actually care about," Sara replied.

"I have this case," Warrick started, "I have four multidirectional blood spatter patterns. I can't make sense of it because the patterns are all similar enough to have come from the same weapon, but that doesn't exclude four similar weapons or one attacker with a murderer that liked to move around the room."

Sara smiled at the effort that her friends were making. Nothing could suppress the thoughts of karma, chaos, and destiny running through her head. None of those belief systems seemed comforting to her at this moment. She looked at her watch and wondered just how much her life might change within the next forty-five minutes.


	6. Chapter 6

Sara sat between Warrick and Nick in the waiting room. Their entrance drew curious stares from the other couples and single women in the Gynecology Clinic waiting room. Sara almost started laughing when she realized the she was the only one to come escorted by two gorgeous men. An older woman sitting in the corner shook her head at them; Sara nearly started laughing out loud when she realized what scenario the older woman was probably conjuring up.

Warrick put a sweaty hand on her knee, and Nick held her hand with such force that the tips of her fingers were beginning to tingle. It was in that moment that she realized that today might be the day that she finds out when and how her life would end. The thought sent chills down her spine. She must have visibly flinched because Nick smiled half-heartedly at her and Warrick squeezed her knee a little tighter.

"Did you want us to come back with you?" Warrick asked as he shifted uncomfortably in his chair.

"Only if you want to," Sara replied. Warrick nodded. Sara was relatively sure that Warrick didn't want to be in there. She reasoned that based on how uncomfortable he was in the waiting room. She knew what he was thinking. Warrick was thinking the same morbid thoughts that were replaying through her mind.

"Ms. Sidle," a nurse said as the door leading to the hallway where the exam rooms were opened.

"It's okay, Warrick. It shouldn't take long," Sara said with a false smile. She tried to be much more confident than she actually felt.

"It's okay, bro. I'll go with her," Nick said as he stood up and followed Sara to where the nurse was standing.

Warrick sat frozen in his seat wondering why he couldn't go with him. He knew that he was afraid to hear that his friend might have cancer; he was afraid that the lump in his throat might move from where his body was able to secure it. He watched them disappear behind the door. He kept repeating a prayer for Sara under his breath.

* * *

Her tears were wet against his skin. She couldn't even begin to control them. Her body was betraying her will to stay composed. Sara promised herself she wouldn't fall apart like this; she promised herself that she wouldn't soak Warrick's shirt.

"Hey, girl. It's okay," Warrick said as forced the words out. He was shaking. He couldn't believe how hard he was shaking.

"I'm going to be okay," Sara whispered. She still struggled to stem the tears.

"It's not cancer," Nick said as they stood still outside the entrance to the doctor's clinic.

"It's not cancer," Warrick said to reassure himself. They had themselves so worked up and prepared for it to be cancer that the news almost seemed anticlimactic. Warrick couldn't be happier.

"It's some kind of virus that needs to be monitored," Nick said, although he didn't really understand what that meant. After he heard the doctor say it wasn't cancer, he stopped listening and began thanking the computer, God, or whatever is up in the sky for letting her be healthy.

"I'm not dying," Sara said as she finally pulled away from Warrick and wiped her eyes.

* * *

"Sar, it's good to see you're back," Greg said as he poured her a cup of coffee.

"Good to be back," Sara replied with a smile.

"There's something different about you," Greg said with a smile. He could feel this new energy about her. "Did you take a vacation?"

"No, just happy to be alive," Sara replied as she sipped the coffee.

"Were you that sick?" Greg asked.

"I only thought I was. Hey Greggo, you wanna ditch this place and go get a piece of wedding cake?" Sara asked despite the fact that they had clocked in only four hours ago and work wasn't even close to being over.

"Why wedding cake?" Greg asked with a small laugh.

"Why not?" Sara replied, "You drive."

"I think I like this new Sara," Greg said as they walked out to the parking lot.

"Good because I'm not going anywhere anytime soon," Sara said as she slid into the passenger seat of Greg's tiny car.

FIN

A/N: Okay, not my characteristic ending, but I thought a 'new' Sara might be just what this story needed. Here's me praying that in the upcoming season Sara isn't a train wreck. I really wish the writers would let her come to terms with all the crap that happened in her life and become a stronger woman because of those experiences.

Next time you go to Vegas, go to the wedding cake place on the Strip (they sell cake by the slice). Do it just because you can! Do it just because you never know what's going to happen tomorrow!


End file.
